If Hollywood says that sexuality is a gay man or a lesbian woman’s defining characteristic, then it is. They may be bi, pan or queer*, but not homosexual. The last rule to successfully identifying a gay or lesbian is if they don’t have hair dyed in the colours of the rainbow and have a ‘marriage equality’ sign permanently stapled to the palm of their hand, then they’re probably not gay or lesbian. So, if you’re someone of colour, how can you possibly be gay or lesbian? Don’t be too caught up in diversity remember that every characteristic of a person is an obvious hint to the mystery of squeezing them into a category of gender, ethnicity or sexuality. All the gay and lesbian characters are white.
#THE GAY TEST SUBMISSION TV#
Just take a look at Legally Blonde, Modern Family, Glee, Orange is the New Black, Girls, Easy A, and the list of films and tv shows with homosexual side characters go on. Now, continuing with your analysis: if they’re not white, then they’re probably not gay or lesbian. If others are sounding convinced, be impressed with yourself, it’s not easy to be a human and a washing machine at the same time. But don’t forget to dab it dry afterwards, or it won’t make that squeaky-clean sound when you rub your endless knowledge into it. This is a flawless application of modus ponens logic you should be proud, you’re halfway to a hypothetical syllogism. She’s got a tongue piercing ? Definitely a lesbian.
#THE GAY TEST SUBMISSION SKIN#
Lesbians also commonly have tattoos and piercings on every ten square centimetres of skin surface area. They graze in small herds and tend to be too busy reading The Vagina Monologues and braiding their underarm hair to care that you don’t think the patriarchy exists. They also enjoy declaring their distaste for penises every five minutes of any conversation about politics, the economy or quantum physics.
Hollywood is basically the comprehensive encyclopedia to understanding the diversity of minority communities within our society.Īs for spotting lesbians, they will more likely than not have short hair, refuse to shave and wear bras, as well as be a part of the feminist movement. How wrong can you be when the suspect is exactly like the gay man in Clueless ? The answer is: not very. These species of human beings also tend to be well-groomed, wear strong cologne and enjoy going to gay bars. It’s the same logic as why witches, like Connie Booth, will weigh as much as a duck does. This is evidenced by how the branches of trees tend to move around more outside in the wind than indoors. The key to this one is that if you’re a man who is attracted to another man, you’ll tend to move your hands around more than the average person when speaking. The second hint to take note of is if they use excessive hand gestures, then they must be gay. Forget what scientists say – they’re all just conspiracy theorists, really. This is because the pitch of your voice has nothing to do with biology: it’s actually determined by your sexuality. The more high-pitched their usual speaking voice is, the more likely it is that you are talking to a gay person. The first thing to take note of when deciding someone’s sexuality on their behalf, namely whether a man is gay or not, is to observe how high-pitched their voice is.
Here are some tell-tale signs that someone is a gay or lesbian: There is a specific skill to identifying those of us who are. There’s no need to think about the reliability or accuracy of your data collection because you don’t have any, so just launch straight in. After all, it is much more prestigious than being awarded a Rhodes Scholarship. Frame it as an insurmountable achievement of yours. Before you begin your Freudian psychoanalysis, make sure to mention that you have a ‘gay-dar’, and don’t forget to detail how accurate it is and has always been.